You Are Not Broken. You Are Human.
A realistic lens on human behavior to understand your patterns, reactions, and nervous system without turning yourself into a project.
This is one of a small handful of posts where I’m laying out how I actually work. Not techniques. Not trends. A way of understanding yourself that’s grounded in biology, nervous systems, real life, and nature. If this resonates, there are more coming.
Most people I work with are quietly asking the same questions on repeat:
Why am I like this?
Why do I react the way I do?
Why do I know better but still do the thing?
Why does change feel so hard when I’m genuinely trying?
Underneath that question is almost always judgment. Even if it’s subtle. Even if it’s dressed up as self-awareness or personal growth.
Here’s the thing I want to say clearly, right out of the gate:
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU ARE HUMAN.
And humans are part of nature.
Your Wiring Follows Nature’s Rules
A lot of who you are was shaped before you had choice, language, or perspective. Before the age of seven, your nervous system and brain were absorbing your environment and making decisions about safety, connection, and belonging. Not consciously. Automatically.
Like roots growing toward water. Just like other animals, learning what’s safe and what isn’t.
Your brain does thousands of things without asking you. Breathing. Reading a room. Tracking tone. Scanning for threat. You don’t get to pick all of that.
You do get to understand it.
And understanding changes how you relate to yourself.
Your Nervous System Is Built for Safety, Not Self-Improvement
Your nervous system’s job is not to help you thrive. It is to keep you safe. Those are not the same thing.
So when you feel flooded, shut down, reactive, avoidant, hypervigilant, or emotionally exhausted, it’s not because you’re failing at growth or awareness. It’s because your system is doing what it learned to do in response to its environment.
Think of a cat whose hair stands on end. It’s not being dramatic. It’s responding to perceived threat. Humans do the same thing. We just add stories on top of it.
Our environments have changed fast. Our wiring has not.
Patterns Persist Because the Brain Prefers Familiarity
Most patterns are old. Really old.
Neural pathways form early and repeat because the brain prefers what’s familiar, not what’s accurate, healthy, or current.
That’s why the same emotional themes show up across different relationships and stages of life. A sense of rejection that formed early might later show up with friends, coworkers, or partners. Not because the situations are identical, but because your system recognizes the emotional tone and fills in the rest.
The lines aren’t straight. Everyone’s story is complex. But noticing the pattern matters.
Awareness creates space.
Space creates choice.
“This Always Happens to Me” Is a Nervous System Loop
I don’t believe in “this always happens to me.” I do believe in “my system learned this, and now it keeps scanning for it.” Once you see that, the story loosens.
You don’t need to uncover every origin story to begin working with a pattern. Sometimes simply noticing, oh, this feels familiar, is enough to interrupt the loop and respond differently. Whew!
Wounds Are Both Painful and Protective
Wounds are complicated.
They hurt because they get activated. They show up as rumination, shame, anger, self-criticism, or judgment of others. Sometimes we avoid them so thoroughly that they come out sideways.
But they’re also armor.
They helped you survive something.
Wounds taught you how to protect yourself.
The problem is that armor that once kept you safe can eventually limit your life. It can keep you from people, places, and experiences that might actually nourish you now.
Seeing that without judgment changes everything.
Judgment Has Never Been a Great Teacher
Let me ask you honestly.
How has being hard on yourself been going?
If harsh self-talk actually worked, you would have changed by now.
Context opens space. Judgment shuts it down.
When you start seeing yourself as a human organism shaped by biology, conditioning, culture, and lived experience, something softens. You stop treating every reaction like a personal failure.
Worth is not something you earn by getting it right. It’s baseline.
You are part of nature. And nature doesn’t require justification.
Storms belong. Thorns belong. Snakes belong. You do too.
Most Behavior Is Automatic, Not a Character Flaw
This is one of the most important things I teach:
Much of what we do is automatic.
That should be the first thought you practice when trying to change.
Oh. This is automatic. No wonder it’s hard.
From there, grief can come up. Anger. Relief. Sadness. All of it makes sense.
Ownership becomes possible only after understanding, not before.
Not through punishment. Through clarity.
Working With Reality Instead of Fighting Yourself
I used to believe there was a mountain of things wrong with me.
I curated myself tightly. I judged my body, my thoughts, my reactions, and my past. I feared rejection. I stayed hypervigilant while trying to look good on the outside. I was guarded and exhausted.
What changed wasn’t fixing all of that. It was understanding it.
The more I studied human behavior, nervous systems, spirituality, and real life, the clearer it became. My existence was not the problem.
We live in a culture that constantly tells you something is wrong with you so it can sell you the solution. Calm. Confidence. Healing. Success. Love. Belonging.
When you stop outsourcing your worth to productivity, healing trends, or other people’s approval, the noise gets quieter. You stop fighting yourself so hard.
This is the foundation of my work. Helping people understand themselves without blame or shame. Creating safety in the body so insight can land. Working with real life, not against it. Helping people be human instead of turning themselves into a project.
This answers “why am I like this” without immediately jumping to “how do I fix it.” And from here, change becomes possible in a way that actually lasts.
This post is one piece of a larger picture. In the coming posts, I’ll share the other lenses I use to help people move from understanding into discernment, choice, and embodiment, and into a life that actually fits.
💚Alana
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ 1
Am I broken if I keep reacting the same way even though I “know better”?
No. Most reactions are driven by your nervous system and conditioning, not conscious choice. Knowing better doesn’t automatically override automatic responses. Understanding your patterns creates space to respond differently over time.
FAQ 2
Why does personal growth feel so hard even when I’m trying?
Because much of human behavior is automatic and rooted in early conditioning. Change isn’t about effort or discipline alone. It requires understanding how your nervous system learned to keep you safe.
FAQ 3
What does it mean to say humans are wired like nature?
It means we adapt to our environments the same way other living systems do. Our patterns, reactions, and defenses developed for protection and survival, not optimization or perfection.
FAQ 4
What’s the big deal if I’m self-critical?
In my experience, harsh self-judgment tends to shut down curiosity and safety in the body. Context and understanding create far more sustainable change than criticism.
FAQ 5
Do I need to know the root cause of every pattern to heal?
No. Awareness alone often creates meaningful shifts. You don’t need a perfect origin story to begin working with your patterns differently.
FAQ 6
How does this approach differ from traditional self-improvement?
This work focuses on understanding rather than fixing. Instead of treating yourself like a project, you learn to work with your nervous system, real life, and human limits.
FAQ 7
Is this about letting yourself off the hook?
No. Understanding comes before responsibility, not instead of it. When you understand why something happens, you can make clearer, more grounded choices.
FAQ 8
What kind of work do you offer around this?
I help people understand their patterns, nervous system responses, and inner conflicts so they can live in a way that actually fits them, without blame, shame, or pressure to perform healing. See my services page.
